Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
