i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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