imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
