She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
