there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
