pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
