You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
