I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Randomize
