y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
