Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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