my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
there is puke in my bra ... again
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
