omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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