Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
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