I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Randomize
