So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Randomize
