You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize