I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
