Farmville is her only friend.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Randomize
