im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
