I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
