I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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