She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
You ruined the universe
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
