he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
