I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize