last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
