Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
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