the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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