guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
