i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
We are all done wearing pants today
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
