Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
