when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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