Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I love having hate sex.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
Randomize
