What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
i dont even know how to be here
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
