1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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