So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
