i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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