Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
