just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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