I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
