I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
