All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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