U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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