Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Randomize
