Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
