1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
