I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
