Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
