wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
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