he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
