i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
