fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
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You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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