so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
