You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
We had sex on a dog bed..
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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