I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
