The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Never underestimate the power of titties
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
