Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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