At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
