I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
