I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
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