Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
