i think my mom watched the whole time
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
All I want is dick and wine.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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