I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
