Swine flu. Run for my life!
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
