so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
