I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
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