On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
