So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
