hell yes lets make some ravioli
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
