I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
